Mercury Retrograde and Me

Pucci Moon Boots

Three times a year you can depend on Mercury Retrograde to kick in and kick your butt. Some people define it as the universe's Murphy Law. I usually refer to it as hell. For those you who don't know what Mercury Retrograde is, I will try to define it simply. Mercury (also known as the Trickster and the wise Communicator) is the planet that affects communication, travel, and technology of every variety. When a planet is in retrograde it is perceived as moving contrary to the normal movements or that it is moving backwards. So when Mercury is retrograde, our gadgets malfunction or die for no apparent reason or there are lots of social misunderstandings.

When I first heard of this retrograde thing I laughed and said...whatever. I did note that I experienced more snafus than normal. I chalked it up to subliminal suggestion. I mean after all that Astrology stuff is not infallible. A few short months later, I, again start experiencing more than normal amount of fuckups in my daily life. I mentioned to my mom that I was having a string of bad luck and she said "oh that's probably because of the Mercury retrograde". Well everyone knows I usually just shake my head at my mom and her occult leanings, but maybe, just maybe she had a point. She gave me fair warning when the next one occurred, and I again noticed a definite higher number of problems. I started to avoid creating plans during the retrograde or carefully wording emails and god forbid not using electronics.

It turns out that the three weeks that are in Mercury retrograde with no gadgets are the longest three weeks of my life. In case you haven't figured it out we are currently in the middle of a Mercury Retrograde and I'm having a bad day. Nothing has gone according to plan. I bought a printer cartridge because of a science fair project is due, and of course I bought the wrong size. I ruined the Double Chin Project (aka diet to lose 20 lbs) with a trip to the bakery. Those damn butter cookies. I also ruined dinner tonight by forgetting to use all the ingredients. Also, I have several friends who have experienced automobile malfunctions that resulted in accidents and injuries. Finally, all the good TV shows are in reruns.

Today I say, "enough I refuse to be a pawn in the chess game of the cosmos or to my overactive imagination". No more Mercury retrograde fuckups for me. Right after I finish this last cookie.